his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
