his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
