i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
you never un-have a 4some
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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