how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
