things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Randomize
