her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Randomize
