Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
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