Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Randomize
