The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
