Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
