I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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