just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
