so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
