I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize