my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
FUCK WHALES
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
