I wish I could teleport
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize