he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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