why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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