You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
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yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
We talked him into tasing himself.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
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i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
And then my night got REAL pukey
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
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