Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I think my moral compass just broke
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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