Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
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she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
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In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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