ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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