The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I faked an abortion last night.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
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Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
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My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize