Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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