We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
