We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
