Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
