4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
