Screwed.edu
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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