no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
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