nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
