I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
