They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
