He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
