If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
