if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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