just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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