I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
