matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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