Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
