It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Randomize
