I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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