I think I died a long time ago.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
