Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
