I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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