yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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