Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
