i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
