im drinking this country out of the recession.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
