Umm I'm too high to move.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
