Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
