She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Drake has all the answers
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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