that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
