dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize