finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Randomize
