sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.