they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid