Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Your tits are I can't wait for
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.