Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
