I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
where does the pee come out of this thing
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
These 21 Declassified Government Horrors Are Unimaginable
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
19 Unhappily Married People Confess The Red Flags They Ignored
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies