I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
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My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
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I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life