I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
