Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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