I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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