I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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