Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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