i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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