my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
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