I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
