He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
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