is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
