"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
